ever feel?
like the pieces in your life aren’t fitting together like you want? you have everything you want, but it still isn’t right? maybe that’s because what you want is not what you need.
i hate feeling like this. i don’t give a damn about anything but school anymore. i feel like the only thing i have anymore is my friends. even music isn’t the same for me anymore.
i know what i want. but it’s hard to decide if it’s right.
i’ve been thinking about joining the marines. it’s the hardest decision i’ve ever had to try to make. so much of me wants to do it. for the experience. for what it makes you, for what it is in general. i want the challenge, and to be a part of something great. i want to go in to the reserve, where i can still go to college. but it effects me in so many ways. my dad is all for it, mostly. and my mom wants nothing to do with it. i want it bad, and i’m scared to death. so many questions i can never really answer unless i make up my mind.
can i make it through boot camp? what will i do in the marines? will i die? will i be deported, even though i’m not active? will this tear apart my relationship with me and my mom? will i loose my friends? will it change me for the better, or the worse?
it’s overwhelming. i think i can make it. i believe in myself, and that’s what it takes. but there’s just so much to think about. i can’t help but thinking that this is for me, because if it weren’t, God wouldn’t have presented me with the opportunity.
i’ll figure out the answer eventually. but it’s killing me now, so eventually won’t cut it. it’s all i think about. i just want to break down and cry. and i have. but what good does that do me? i wish i had a sign. something to tell me if this is right or not.
these pieces need to fall together again, before i fall apart.
