basque in my ambiance.

i learned something new today.

something most people don’t know about me: i’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a dancer.

i took gymnastics for 6 years where i took ballet as a requirement, and my freshman year i took a dance class at my school that i LOVED! i always wanted to take dance classes, but my parents never really supported my dancing dream.

when i came here and started trying to decide what i wanted to do in college, i knew i wanted to try to make that dream a reality. college is the time to take some chances, ya know? so i worked my ass of for months, stretching, getting myself back in shape, and basically teaching myself (with a little outside help) the moves i needed to master for auditions at McNeese.

well, today, i went to the pre-audition clinic, and i realized something. dance isn’t my thing. i mean, i love to dance. i really do. but it’s not made for me.

it amazes me that it took me so long to accept that. it makes me sad, but also, it’s a little bit of a relief. because now i can leave that dream behind and stop letting it haunt me. i have music; that’s what i’m good at. so music is what i’ll do!

phew! thank you God, for lighting my path and showing me what’s right :)

i found something!

so, i’ve been transitioning into the USMC family mostly alone. i mean, of course i have the support of friends and family, but nobody TRULY understands what i’m going through.

i decided i can’t do it alone. well, lies. i CAN, but i don’t wanna. so i went on a search via google for a support group and found something called USMCgals. it’s a yahoo group, but they also have their own website. it’s been super amazing to have girls who really understand what i’m going through to talk to and lean on for support. i know it sounds totally cheesy, but it really has helped. being alone is the worst part, and now i’m not. SO! my point in writing this is:

if you or someone you know is going through what i am, whether they are brand new to the USMC family or have gone through multiple deployments, and they need support, tell them about this group! even if they seem okay, let them know about it. it’s great to share experiences and talk out your feelings with girls who understand. there are people from all walks of life, who have been through everything the Corps can throw your way. it has made things a lot easier for me, and i just had to share!

now that i’m done being an infomercial for all this, pass it on! USMCgals.

Semper Fi <3

i’ve got to say.

a lot of people probably think i’ve gone off the deep end, but really guys, i’m ok! promise.

to confirm: yes, i am dating chris again. yes, he did give me a promise ring. no, i don’t think it’s too early.

i get mixed reactions. my closest friends, that know me very well and know me and chris’s history, are happy for me. those that don’t, think i’ve lost my ever loving mind. they tell me they’re happy for me, but their faces totally say WTF?! yea, i see it! well, let me put this out there for ya.

i realize i’m 18 years old. i still have college to go through and i haven’t even graduated high school yet. this all might seem madness to you, but this is how i see it: i have something that some people spend their entire lives looking for. i’m blessed to have found it while i’m young. our relationship is hard. he’s gone a lot, and for the most part we get next to no contact with one another. but, that makes the times we do get to see one another that much better. i doubted the success of our relationship a lot while he was away at boot camp. i thought a lot of how hard it would be and what i’d do if i ever lost him. but when he came back, i knew. i knew that no matter what, i was going to be with him and we would get through whatever is thrown our way. so we haven’t been dating for a long time. but i wanna know what time has to do with it? who said there’s a time limit on when you can fall in love and commit yourself to someone? and we have dated before, if you do recall.

i’m not too sure what i’m trying to point out here, because i don’t need to prove anything to anybody. this is my life, and i’m 100% sure of what i’m doing and i’m happy with it. but if you’re going to judge me, don’t do it behind my back, and don’t pretend like you know everything, because i PROMISE, you don’t.

there. i’m done venting.

on another note, for those of you who really are happy for me. who support me and support my relationship, thank you.

i don’t ever want anyone to feel sorry for me, either. no doubt, this relationship can be hard. as. hell. but! i chose this life. i’m proud of chris and proud to call myself the girlfriend of a United States Marine. i wouldn’t change a single moment of it. sympathy isn’t what i want. y’all have seen me and will continue to see me go through some rough times, and you can tell me that you’re sorry for what i’m going through. but i don’t want people to feel sorry for me for having to be in a relationship like this. it’s my blessing, and i am very happy.

thanks for listening, and i hope reading this has either instilled some new understanding or at least made me not seem like a loon if you thought i was one.

so, yeah. peace.